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Post No. 32 The Battle of the Blurbs

Furious. Not I am only mildly pissed.

Yesterday I received a call from ______________ at Oceanview –  I won’t name her – congratulating me on joining the ranks of published authors. I guess a have more of a delicate ego than I’d like to think, because this instantly pissed me off. What she should have said – at least, if she wanted to win me over – was something about how happy the folks at Oceanview were to have such a promising property. Anyway… after congratulating me on my good fortune, she referred to a ā€œWelcome to Oceanviewā€ booklet I had been mailed some time ago, Ā hinting that there were some tasks I needed to accomplish ā€œto move Fortuna towards publication.ā€ Of course, I hadn’t bothered to read the book, but I did immediately call back.

I finally reach her this morning. After a few minutes of syrupy chat, she finally gets to the point: Where are my blurbs? I explain that I don’t have any, that I have told Susan (the CEO) that I don’t, and won’t have any, that I just don’t read that many books, that I often don’t remember authorsĀ  names, and since Susan has a good relationship with Lincoln Child (the one author whose name I could come up with who writes ā€œbooks like mineā€), she has agreed to chat him up at Thrillerfest for our mutual benefit.

I can’t get ______________ to back off, and when I finally say, ā€œWhat is it about ā€˜no’ that you don’t understand?ā€ she comes back with, ā€œWell, if things don’t work out, we’ll have to put our heads together.ā€ In other words, she’s not taking ā€œnoā€ for an answer, but rather pushing everything into the future.

I say, ā€œFine, I’m happy to participate in any meeting. But I want to make it absolutely, positively clear that I will not take responsibility for obtaining blurbs. I have been in business a long time, and I’ve learned that it’s not a good idea to make a promise you can’t keep. Is that clear?ā€

She responds with ten seconds of stunned silence. Then, finally, ā€œWell, let’s move on to the other issue. Do you have a web site?ā€

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